From Chaos to Clarity: My Journey of Self-Transformation

Ever since I accepted the call to be of service to women, my relationship with imposter syndrome has limited my efficiency. Year after year, I beat myself up for not being an acceptable role model who could show up in front of women like you with my story and the lessons I’ve learned.

My desperation for perfection clouded my confidence. Maybe you can relate. I can’t remember where I read this next quote, but it’s on a sticky note on my desk, “You need to be the GUIDE, not the hero.” I had to come to accept that I will never be the ultimate example. I’ll never fully arrive at total healing, wholeness, and effectiveness. This may be true.

In a world where we're constantly bombarded with images of perfection and people who seem to have it all together, it's easy to feel like we're not measuring up. For me, this struggle was a constant battle as I embarked on my journey of self-discovery and transformation.

I've come to realize that I will never be the ultimate example, the picture-perfect role model. And that's okay. I've learned to accept this truth, and in doing so, I've found the freedom to be transparent about my own journey from chaos to clarity.

Chaos to Clarity for me is an ongoing journey that I’m still walking. I’ve been an adult for almost thirty years! I spent over half of that time miserable and depressed in a world of chaos of my own making. I know a thing or two about wrangling the chaos and turmoil within.

I’ve come to learn that getting that inner chaos under control will be the exact thing that you need to see the life that you desire. The reciprocity that you seek comes from your inner transformation.

When I say I was desperate for reciprocity, I mean exactly that. I craved and hungered for a life that brought joy to my heart and a smile on my face. It feels awful saying this now because I was a wife and mother and daughter and sister and friend all of those years. Had my perspective been clear, I’d have seen the joy and happiness that lived within those hard times.

I raised four daughters. I was a light to those around me. I never stopped pushing and pulling us to better. I should have seen the light that lived during dark times. But I didn’t. I was too buried under self-hate and self-sabotage to see anything but depression, anxiety, and frustration. There was no way I was going to see the return on investment the way I dreamed of seeing it with that type of mindset.

My hope in life today is to guide women beyond their blind spots and help them break free from the consequences they may be buried under. If I can guide at least one woman into her peace, prosperity, and purpose, I will have accomplished my dreams. Many years ago, I began to receive "downloads" from the Lord about transformation. Over the last ten years, I have written about transformation.

I have had to remind myself that I was created and given to this world to be a conduit for transformation. I am an example of God's power for change and transformation, and I am a guide to others to tap into this power. I live and breathe change. That's why I giggle when my friends call me the Queen of the Pivot.

Transformation, as I've come to understand, is not just about external changes. It's not about constantly switching jobs, relationships, or locations in a desperate attempt to find happiness. I spent many years doing just that, thinking that the solution to my problems lay outside of myself. But I soon realized that true transformation begins within.

It wasn't until I actually started paying attention to the very lessons I thought I was receiving for others that I began to see the power of transformation unfold. I had to learn firsthand about transformation, starting from God Above and becoming a better steward of myself within.

I had to learn trial by error what moderation skills I needed to apply to my life through setting priorities and boundaries. I had to learn how to self-regulate and use available tools to manage my life and everyone around me. I had to learn to practice true patience with the right attitude.

Learning to truly trust God's best for me had to become the foundation for my existence. I was my first client and case study.

The journey of transformation is often a personal one, filled with trials, errors, and self-discovery. It's about understanding that no matter how difficult, dark, or disheveled your life may look and feel, it can always get better. The Bible tells us to ask God, and we will receive. That sounds easy enough, right? However, our belief in Him is required, aligning with His will is necessary, and the condition of our hearts, our inner selves, is for examination.

As we consider what transformations we want to see and how we can begin those journeys, I encourage you to find out what the Creator created you for. Everyone is here for a reason, whether they know that reason or not. Fulfillment comes in becoming acquainted with His reasoning. And creating a lifestyle of familiarity with the healing and ongoing condition of your heart.

Self-discovery, awareness, and reflection are necessary to tap into your why, what, and how. Clarity in answers to all of these questions leads to the transformation and reciprocity in life that you seek.

If you gain anything from this post, I hope it is the encouragement to recognize the chaos that interferes with God's divine transformation for you and your life. Having clarity is a process. Clarity will attract the transformation and reciprocity in life that you desire. And it is my calling and purpose to be a guide for you and others like us along this journey to peace, prosperity, and purpose.

Now it’s your turn. You know I love a good question for thought. 

• What aspects of the past resonated with you the most? Why do you think that is?

• In what ways have you sought reciprocity and fulfillment in your life? Have you ever overlooked the happiness that existed in challenging times?

• What are some areas in your life where you've tried to bring about change or transformation by altering external factors? How successful were these efforts?

• What do you think your life would look like if you were to embrace the chaos, work on inner transformation, and seek clarity in your purpose and priorities?

• What steps can you take now to begin your own journey from chaos to clarity? Are there specific actions or practices you'd like to implement in your life?

I can offer some guidance on where to begin. Surrounding yourself with a village of women who are also intentional about transformation is a great place to start. Sometimes we think we are the only ones dealing with something. Or do we need to trigger some ideas about where to start? The right community can offer you this. I started a Women’s Transformation Meetup that can help you get connected. 

Maybe you need someone to walk alongside you as you dig deep and begin this journey. I am happy to be a part of your team as your coach. The first part of this journey is self-discovery. I will be hosting two self-discovery workshops in December in preparation for 2024. Please connect in whichever way that resonates with you. Just make a decision to start.