Building a Village of Empowerment From the Inside Out
“Now you understand Just why my head’s not bowed. I don’t shout or jump about Or have to talk real loud. When you see me passing, It ought to make you proud. I say, It’s in the click of my heels, The bend of my hair, the palm of my hand, The need for my care. ’Cause I’m a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That’s me.”
Maya Angelou, “Phenomenal Woman” from And Still I Rise, 1978
Rereading this poem after many years wells up tears in my eyes. I don’t think I ever realized that this poem was written for me in 1978, the year of my birth. It has taken me 45 years to truly understand the words and power of this poem. It hits differently now after years of inner work to remove the noise, clutter, toxicity, and chaos that surrounded the very essence of my beauty. Wow! I jumped off the deep end quickly this morning!
I can’t sit here in Starbucks weeping at 6 am. Not a good look.
Okay, I’m back. My sisters, how does this poem hit for you? One of my daughters and I decided to get tattoos together, and our tattoo was an excerpt of this poem. Yes, I got a tattoo with my daughter, and we have Maya Angelou’s words on our body. This is Nikki.
Today is March 1, 2024, and we are embarking on a month of celebration for the universality, power, and empowerment of women. When I say we, I mean my team, my friends, my sisters from another mother, and my peers who trust my vision enough to collaborate with me. We are here this month to share our journeys from chaos to clarity and from broken to whole. We are crooked sticks making straight lines. (Thank you for this bar, Lecrae; it still hits right.)
As much as I’d love to be a glamorous woman with envy-worthy Instagram pics and a compelling YouTube channel, I am not she. I am phenomenally me in a reserved type of way. An infallible introvert and profound thinker, I can be intense. That intensity can go down a rabbit hole of negativity or sky-high in the clouds of positivity. This is me, and I am she. A natural beauty who values comfort over high fashion and is okay with a bare face, graphic tees, and Chucks. Desperately trying to be someone else has been absolute bondage for me in every single way. I can finally admit this out loud.
There are so many things that I could write about to share my story of transformation with you. I think I am pretty transparent about my journey from chaos to clarity and reconnecting with my true, authentic self. So, today, I won’t bore you with a recap. If you are unfamiliar, I encourage you to check out my blog posts to catch up. Let’s talk about my journey from an individual Nikki to a village of Nikkis.
There was a day when I would have felt way too insecure to welcome other women into my domain. Already insecure about my abilities, it would have felt like competition. Well, I would have perceived it as such.
Perception is the death of healthy relationship building.
I know I am not alone. I have spoken to many women of all ages and backgrounds who also have their own perceptions of what having circles of women close to them looks like. I have come across more women like myself who saw other women as a risk they were not willing to take. Our perception ran along the lines that women are messy and jealous and not to be trusted. Sure, there were the few who had circles of girlfriends with years of unconditional friendship through the good and bad. I still saw messiness from the outside even in those circumstances. I chose to stay a lone ranger. I had enough mess on my own.
It’s this thwarted view of the quality of women that mirrored my own self-hate. I, at one time, was jealous, messy, and not to be trusted. Maybe, just maybe, my perception of others was based on my knowing of myself. I had to change from within to change my perceptions and see transformative relationships come to me.
Every single one of us holds our own mysterious ways of beauty, creativity, and strength. We all have the swing of our hips, the bend of our hair, the rise of our breasts, and the sun of our smile that speaks our womanhood. (Read the full poem) There is no competition because we all possess unique qualities and take on the same design. God designed us all the same on the outside with our unique phenomenal souls on the inside.
If the content coming from us this month doesn’t showcase anything else, it will highlight the beauty and power of diversity and the commonality of humanity and womanhood. When the dividing factors of culture and society are taken away, we are all left with God’s design for us and our unique thumbprint to be left in this world. We learn that there is nothing new under the sun of womanhood. We are all the same. Our humanity is universal and, as women, we face the same barriers, mountains, detours, and enemies.
We were not created to be one-woman villages. We were created to thrive in villages of love and support. We need a village to watch our six. We can’t see behind us, but someone walking along with us can.
Back to my story, it was not until I began to prioritize my second most important relationship (my relationship with God as the first) that I became the woman who could mirror healthy, functional, supportive, and caring relationships and friendships. No longer did I assume every woman had motives to witness my demise. Because I was optimistic, I began to expect this from others. I began to show myself friendly. I became the friend and sister that I needed.
How, you might wonder. From the inside out. I stopped trying to manipulate people to be what I needed and started focusing on what I needed.
What could I control?
What could I change?
What could I accept as out of my control?
What was actually above me and out of my lane? What work could I do to become the woman that I thought I needed?
My sisters, if you are surrounded by chaos and messiness, you have to take a look within yourself. Look behind the eyes of the woman in the mirror and begin to reconnect with her. She holds all of the answers to the drama. That woman doing the loving work of inner healing and growth alongside our Divine Creator is a woman who will shake away the mess and become a magnet for all things beautiful. I’m speaking what I know.
When I look at my life now, I am always amazed at the women that are around me. Seeking support and encouragement outside of my bloodlines and marital connections has been the greatest blessing and revelation. These women empower me simply by just being themselves and showing up in my life.
Some of them are joining me this month to guide you along your journey of transformation. Some of them aren’t. Every single word that I speak and type is backed by their support, love, and insight. That’s the power of having a supportive community of phenomenal women.
This doesn’t just happen. You don’t pray for this, and the Lord drops them into your home and on your lap. This takes work just like any transformation.
I’m here today to tell you that self-discovery and personal transformation are the catalysts for your best self and a better life in every way. This includes getting over yourself and becoming the change you want to see.
Join us this month on my blog, social media profiles, and Medium and YouTube platforms to connect with these varying perspectives of womanhood and humanity. I promise you won’t be bored. Seeing similar things in different ways is the key to unyielding hope to stay the course.
Be empowered, my sisters.
Nikki
