Being Authentically You: Why this is the Game-Changer

Authenticity means erasing the gap between what you firmly believe inside and what you reveal to the outside world. ~ Oprah Winfrey


Authenticity. It feels like this word is getting too mainstream, almost as long as work/life balance has been a buzzword. Maybe I’m exaggerating, but my point is that authenticity is one of those words thrown around without us truly sitting down to understand what it means and how it impacts our lives and work—much like love or awareness.


What does it really mean to be authentic and true to yourself in a world full of fakes and phonies?


Many thought leaders have tackled this topic, including Brene Brown, Simon Sinek, Tim Ferriss, and John Maxwell. Another favorite of mine is Cindy Trimm, who etched the word 'congruency' into my mind. For me, authenticity is congruency, as Auntie Oprah described.


Congruency means closing the gap between who you are at the deepest, simplest levels of your existence and who the world sees and interacts with daily.


Even that definition sounds easy on the surface. But in reality, authenticity and congruency are elusive in a society conditioned to accept people, issues, and appearances at the surface level.


In coaching, there's a model called the Iceberg Theory. The premise is that most of us are comfortable staying above the surface. The tip of the iceberg is visible above the water, but icebergs reveal only a small portion of their vast size above the surface. Most of their grandeur lies deep beneath the water.


I also liken this concept to a large, old fruit tree. Imagine a huge, ancient mango tree. (My Jamaican husband is bananas about mangos!) Above the ground, we see the trunk, branches, leaves, and seasonal blooms of fruit. The roots that nourish and sustain this fruit-bearing tree are vast beneath the ground. Without these invisible roots, there would be no tree or fruit for my Jamaican to enjoy.


We are like this. When we look in the mirror or at others, we only see the outer mask, a shell, a smokescreen, the tip of the iceberg. It's even possible to "know" someone for years and never get beneath the surface and behind the mask. Trust me, transparency doesn’t equate to authenticity.


Let's pause on authenticity vs. transparency. They are not interchangeable.


When someone is transparent, they simply share information. We can talk for hours about the data of life—what has happened, what is happening, what we want to happen. Openness and accessibility of information are not authentic. The missing pieces are vulnerability and awareness. Someone transparent but not authentic hasn't gone below the surface themselves. How can they think, move, and share from a place of authenticity?


Authenticity requires genuine cultivation, revealing, and alignment with one’s "true north," as Bill George explains in his book by the same name.


It’s more than just "being yourself." It’s knowing who that self is and aligning your actions with your being. We are treading our way back to congruency. Let’s define.


Congruent means to be in agreement or harmony (Oxford Languages).


The inner and outer selves must align, agree, cooperate, and partner. You can "be yourself" all day long and twice on Sunday without ever dipping a toe beneath the surface of your past trauma, true emotions, core values, beliefs, mindset, or driving factors. You represent the “you” you are familiar with without doing the work of becoming acquainted with “who” you truly are. I call this ‘chaotic living.’ Where there is no intentionality and awareness, there is chaos. (Check out more about Chaos on my blog.)


Becoming not just transparent about who you are and what you want but also aligning with whom God created you to be is the real game-changer. Why is this important in life and leadership?

A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way. ~ John Maxwell

In this article, we blend life and leadership into one concept because living a fulfilling and successful life requires self-leadership. I talk to women who don’t see themselves as “leaders” yet manage a family, a household, a church committee, etc. Leadership is not just a job title; it is a skill. Some of us are born with a knack for influencing others, strategizing, and juggling many balls. But that knack, without character development and additional skills, remains untapped potential. We must be intentional about being leaders and managers in all aspects of our lives.

And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. ~ Genesis 1:28, NLT

The Bible commands us to have dominion over ourselves and all the earth. This requires skills and intentionality to manage and steward what we’ve been given charge over.

You might feel you don’t have control or charge over much of anything. You can’t even get yourself out of the house on time! Newsflash, Sis, you were created to love God with all your heart, mind, and soul, love others as you love yourself, replenish and be fruitful on the earth, and be a great steward/manager/leader over all of this.

That’s from the mouth of the Creator to us, the created.

Back to John Maxwell’s quote, which emphasizes three important things:

1. Knows the way: clarity, knowledge, wisdom.

2. Goes the way: takes action, implements wisdom and knowledge, acts with faith and integrity even without total clarity but with grand purpose and intention.

3. Shows the way: influences, prepares, and guides others.


Authenticity and being true to yourself allow you to show up with clarity, confidence, wisdom, faith, integrity, purpose, and intention, which breeds influence to guide others.


Whether it’s your children and partner or your team at work, how you show up and from where you show up dictates how others perceive and receive you.


Remember this: the standard human condition is to ask, "What’s in it for me?"


Once we show up knowing what’s in it for ourselves because we are aligned with who we are and where we’re headed, we can guide and lead others to desire the same. They will want the confidence and overall clarity you exude. That’s what’s in it for them!


Here are some benefits of showing up authentic in life and leadership:

- Builds trust and fosters loyalty.

- Affects culture and performance.

- Improves relationships.

- Becomes a healing balm for low self-esteem and mental health.

Real quick, let’s keep it real. These benefits sound amazing in theory, but we know it’s easier said than done. We need to address the challenges of being authentic and practical steps to cultivate this in our daily lives and work.

Challenges of Being Authentic and True to Yourself

1. Fear:

   - All the fears! Fear of judgment, failure, rejection, ridicule, repercussions.

   

2. Societal and Cultural Expectations:

   - Going with societal norms is easier than going against them. Deviating can make our fears come true.

3. Internalized Beliefs and Insecurities:

   - Our childhoods, experiences, perceptions, and personalities breed internal stories, feelings, beliefs, and expectations that may suppress our true selves. Overcoming these takes intentional and consistent work but is very worthwhile.

4. Risks:

   - Personally and professionally, living authentically could cost you when surrounded by conformists. Being the black swan in a sea of clones can invoke fears of being banished from the clique or damaging relationships. In extreme cases, it could lead to losing a job or facing backlash.


All these challenges can be overcome when you are armed with your values, beliefs, and self-worth. When you possess a healthy and authentic self, nothing can replace you. Jobs and relationships can be replaced with ones that align with who you are and your purpose.


For practical steps to start cultivating your authentic self, download my 14 Days to Self-Discovery Coaching Workbook. It is FREE and will help you hone self-awareness and reflection, define your values and beliefs, and become vulnerable with yourself and eventually with others.


After this process, you are equipped to seek feedback and perspectives from a healthy, functional place, embrace your imperfections and weaknesses, and align your words, work, and ways with who you are at your core. An aligned you will welcome order and alignment around you.


I’ll leave you with this thought…


There is one single common denominator on this earth that is consistent in your life, work, and world. That common denominator is you. Transform you, and everything else will follow. 


Be encouraged. Be empowered. Choose to be happy. 


Nikki

Nikki Cates

Moms & Grams | Wife | Believer | Life Transformation Coach & Strategist | Writer | Army Veteran | Change Agent

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