#FAFO: Battles Within & Around Us

Battles are constantly waging around us and within us.

Do you agree?

I’m not just talking about obvious expressions of war, like the conflict between Russia and Ukraine. There’s a constant war taking place to win our attention, our emotional responses, our mental space, our peace, our effectiveness, and even our souls. We are consistently battling with someone or something.

What should we eat? What shouldn’t we?
What should we do? What shouldn’t we?
Who should we believe? Who shouldn’t we?
What should we fear? What shouldn’t we?
Who should we support? Who shouldn’t we?
How should we act? How shouldn’t we?

These are only the tip of the iceberg in the fight for our lives—the endless questions of should, could, and would.

Today, I intend to wake you up to this reality: life is not just happening to you. You have the power to happen to life.

Life will never, ever be perfect. Neither will you—or me. But with the Lord’s help, we can create a life where we feel comfortable and safe. And if not comfortable and safe, at least intentional and progressive.

I know things are looking darker much faster than we anticipated. I know it feels like we’re being thrust into the end times. I’ve felt the same way. But just like everything else, perspective, mindset, and intentional action make a world of difference.

Right now, I’m sitting in a café at 8:30 in the morning in Central Florida, looking out at a beautifully blue, cloudless sky. The palm trees sway in the chill breeze, whispering that fall is here, and Christmas decorations usher in a desperate need for joy during a time when joy feels stolen. In this moment, I accept that when life feels overwhelming, gratitude for the little things has always helped me.

It sounds simplistic. But…my family is alive and well. We are not in chains or ducking minefields and bombs. We still have access to resources and belongings. My grandson is as happy as a baby could be, and we’ve been able to provide him a life better than any of us had—including my own children.

There’s plenty to focus on and expand in my heart and mind to push fear and despair to the back burner.

My sister, being awake to the times is necessary to be part of the solution instead of the problem. But there must be intentional moderation to keep yourself from falling into despair. Gratitude can act as a chaser, lessening the bitterness of the world around us.

We are not in this alone. Accepting this truth relieves the pressure of feeling like you must embark on this journey alone. Being alone means being exposed.

Every minority community and enclave in the United States has found safety in numbers: living among each other, buying from each other, encouraging and educating one another. Back in the day, the Black community did this successfully. I’m eager to see modern times push us back into that space of collective investment in our present and future, by learning from our past.

I thought the women of the U.S. had finally come to a reckoning—a reckoning that we live in a racist patriarchy that still does not see us as equals. Unfortunately, only Black women truly decided to take the road of resistance, leaving us exposed to the wrath of the norm. "FAFO" is the only way to express the frustration we feel at women selling out their womanhood to men who will continue to seek control over them.

The old folks I grew up with in the South said it best: “A hard head makes a soft behind.” And, “To each their own.”

Y’all gon’ learn.

In the meantime, regardless of what side of history you find yourself on, remember: that as things naturally worsen, we have the choice to lean into gratitude, faith, and community.

Be encouraged, my sisters. There is no better time than now to empower yourself. We’re all going to need it.

Peace to you.

Buy my ebook, Reciprocity Eludes Me: A Woman’s Story of Faith, Self-Discovery, & Transformation. Life is all about reciprocity. What we boomerang out is what we see come back. Seedtime and harvest will never change. Believe that. Learn from my mistakes. 

Also, you can catch my podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and Youtube. New episodes air on Saturday mornings at 10 am ET. Strategic Transformations with Nikki

Find me on TikTok, Coach Nikki Cates, for daily encouragement and inspirational teachings.